Thursday, April 3, 2008
bamboo
“Mommy, Mommy, I’m home! It was so much fun at the park!” I cried out being a five year old little girl at the front door. “SHH! Ellie, you need to be quiet. Your sister has a very high fever.” Mom was scolding me like always as I stared at my sister. Then, all of a sudden, this shadow, darker than the midnight sky bolted out of a corner. I screamed bloody murder. I hid behind my mother as I stammered, “wwhat is that, mommy?” she answered calmly as she stepped aside pulling me in front of her, “that is our new kitten.” “A kitty?!” I cried. I was so happy that I began to twirl in big circles. I raced over to where our new kitten was. “Kitty, come here!” I was shouted pointing at the floor in front of me. “Honey, if you yell at him, he won’t come. Honey, why don’t you go upstairs and wash your hands and he might come out by then.” My dad instructed me. “O.K.” I replied as I skipped up the stairs. Wait a second…what are we going to name him? I wondered in my head. When I returned down stairs, my family was waiting for me at our kitchen table. “Okey dokey artichokey, what are we going to name him?” I asked with a hint of curiosity in my voice. “Well, we were just about to discuss that topic. So sit down ellie.” My dad once again instructed. So I sat in a chair in between my mom and sister. As my dad began to ask what name we wanted for our kitten, he began to rub his face on my leg and upon the chair I was currently sitting in. “bambi” I said with out thinking and in monolog. “BAMBI?!” my family cried out in unison. I glanced up. “What? Why are all of you guys staring at me?” “Why would you want to name a cat bambi? That’s really weird, ellie.” My sister said in her big sister voice. “Well, how about bamboo?” my mom suggested. “And it is close to bambi.” My dad added. “Hmm. I don’t know about that guys. Hey I know! We can let the kitty decide. We will call bambi then bamboo and see which one he comes to.” I suggested as well. “Great idea ellie” or “excellent thinking” came a chorus from my family. “O.K. can I call the names out?” I asked pleading with my eyes. “Sure go ahead ellie.” My dad replied urging me with his hand. “YES! Okay here I go. Bambi come here.” I cried out. But he just sat where he was, swinging his tail back and forth rapidly. “o.k.… bamboo come here.” I called out hoping he would come. And… he did. As soon as I had said bamboo, he stopped swinging his tail and began to purr as he stepped closer to our family. “Bamboo it is!” he cried out as I picked up our new family pet, our cat bamboo.
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3 comments:
Good job Ellie. This was avery descriptive. What about using some paragraphs? I think that you should also capitalize the names of the cat that you came up with. Nice gesture. I thought that maybe there was too much dialog and it got a little confusing with so much of it. Otherwise, good job!!
Ellie,
Great job so far! There was a alot of good dialog and gesture. It was very descriptive but then it started to look like it was sped through. It got a little confusing as it got to the end of the memoir.
You should make sure to capitalize the name of your cat.
Great job so far.Keep up the good work!
Ellie,
That is some good dialog you got there. But might I suggest some spacing for your paragraphs. I really liked how you used the flashback technique. I can't believe that you were only five when you got your cat. Thats really cool. Well keep up the good work. Your on the right track.
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